Ed of the Opera
by Aspergirl
Summary: Double D joins the school choir, the Warblin' Cobblers, and Eddy wants him back. Eddy might just get what he wants when he learns about the dress code for the Christmas concert. Hang on to your hat!
1. Put On Your Listening Eds

Note: I do **_not_** own Ed, Edd, & Eddy. Like many fans of EE&E, I have long wondered what Edd hides under that hat. This story will contain my take on the matter, a rather unique one, but I have my reasons. The good thing about Mr. Antonucci letting it remain a secret is that we can all still have our theories. So let me share my interpretation, and please respect it as I would yours. Enough of that. On with the show!

Leaning against his locker, Eddy crossed his arms and jutted out his chin. When girls walked by, he ran a hand through his moussed hair, then flexed. By the time Ed came lumbering past, Eddy's phone number count was still zero and his popularity quotient was in a nosedive. Eddy did not want to let himself get discouraged, but his ego was taking a hit. Still, he played it cool. "Chicks. Who can figure 'em?"

"Oh, I know!" exclaimed Ed, wanting to be helpful. "Ask the science teacher. He keeps a sweet chick in his room all the time."

Even though Ed shared the story with longing more than lust, Eddy had to find out more. "You sure about that, Ed? I always thought that guy was creepy, but not a 'serial toucher'. And I don't mean like Jonny 2x4."

Ed nodded emphatically. "Yeah. It is as plain as the hair in his nose! He captures innocent little chicks and pecks them to death."

"Eeeugh!" said Eddy, who now had to try to erase the image of the science teacher's pecker from his brain. "Wait. You're talking about that shriveled up chicken in a jar in the chem lab, aren't you?"

"I love chickens, Eddy."

"That's what I thought." The halls rapidly emptied out. It was 4:30, and most of the kids had gone home.

Ed looked around at the deserted halls. He and Eddy were usually the first out the door in the afternoon, and among the last to come dragging in every morning. Things didn't look right. Ed yelled, "The school is broken! Run away, run away!" His voice echoed. Ed tried to grab Eddy by the hair and pull him along. Eddy didn't budge.

"Hey, hey, hey, get back here. We gotta wait for Sockhead." Eddy looked at his watch. 4:32 PM. "Where the hell is he? We got stuff to do."

Ed got down on the floor and rolled back towards Eddy. From far away down the hall, a door opened and the sound of conversation became louder and more distinct as another after-school activity came to an end. Rolf, Jimmy, Sarah, and Nazz appeared, chattering away.

"Wow, our first choir concert! This is gonna be so fun!" Sarah announced, imagining herself centre stage and in the spotlight.

Rolf thumbed through the booklet of songs. "Rolf comes from a long line of the finest yodelers. These festivities of singing will be like peeling potatoes after hollowing the turnips!" He spotted the titles 'Jingle Bells,' 'Silver Bells,' and 'Carol of the Bells' and looked puzzled. "What is this? A celebration of the bovines?"

"Congratulations on earning yourself the big solo!" Jimmy gushed to Nazz.

"Thanks, dude," said Nazz, looking over her music. Years of practicing in the chorus were paying off. "I have a duet, too! I'm stoked. It's going to be hard to wait three weeks!"

"I didn't get a solo in the show," whined Sarah, who was still at the beginning of the many years of practice. "How are they gonna hear my voice?"

Nazz gave her a pat on the back. "Don't worry. You've got a strong singing voice."

Eddy rolled his eyes and looked up at Ed. "Have you EVER been unable to hear Sarah?" he asked, half-joking, half-serious. Ed held his breath and tried to blend into the lockers behind him, afraid that Sarah's voice would come on, directed at him.

Sarah was happy enough with Nazz's compliment. "Oh, goodie! Jimmy, we need to go shopping for the big show!"

"You, me, and the department store. I'll be there with bells on!" Jimmy and Sarah scampered off to coordinate outfits.

Rolf followed, asking, "Is the worship of the bell commonplace in your country?"

Eddy imitated Sarah and Jimmy's mincing skips. Nazz turned to see Eddy frolicking. "Hiya, Eddy," she purred, waving.

Stopping mid-leap, Eddy mumbled a clumsy goodbye to Nazz. After striking manly poses since the final bell rang, of course the hottest girl in school only saw him in the middle of imitating a couple of squirts. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground.

Lagging behind the others, Double D appeared, huffing and puffing from hurrying himself. "Hello, gentlemen!" He tucked a songbook into his shoulder bag. "I am delighted to share that..."

"There you are!" said Eddy. "Come on. The candy store's gonna be giving away samples of the new Super Slurper jawbreakers to the first five kids in line on Christmas Eve. Put that brain to work and figure us out a way to be at the front of that line without waiting in line."

"I'll see what I can do, Eddy..." Double D began as Ed and Eddy ushered him out of the building. "My schedule will be somewhat constrained for the next three weeks."

"Hold it. You're telling me you got somethin' more important than your friends?" Eddy suggested, hoping to guilt Double D back into full time scam artistry. Eddy climbed the fence and jumped down.

Double D tried to follow, but had difficulty pulling himself off the ground. "More important than jawbreakers?" Ed marveled, his eyes widening in disbelief. He scooped up Double D, lifted the fence with one arm, and scooted underneath it.

"Of course not. Nothing is more important than my friends!" Double D assured them. Ed seemed comforted as he placed Double D's feet back on the ground. Before Eddy could bluster on with more instructions, Double D continued. "However, I have secured a spot in the show choir, the Warbling Cobblers! It would mean very much to me if you both showed your support and attended the performance."

"Pffff," said Eddy, unimpressed. "Choir? That's sissy stuff."

"I happen to enjoy it," Double D asserted. "I'll be practicing every day after school."

Eddy groaned, "Every day? You don't need three weeks to learn a bunch of overplayed Christmas tunes."

"Some holiday carols may be a tad hackneyed, but most set the mood for the season. Anticipating the first snow, sharing love with those closest to you! Yes, I must practice to do the season justice."

"I can help!" shouted Ed. Eddy and Double D didn't have a monopoly on knowledge, and he wanted to prove it. "Sing like this. Listen, listen." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, then belted out, "Away in a Ranger, no hubcaps or paint! I'm getting' real carsick, 'cos comfy I ain't!"

Double D pressed his hands over his ears, trying honestly to appreciate Ed's singing without having his eardrums battered to bits. Eddy, although put off a bit by the noise, preferred Ed's lyrics. "Not bad. I think you should join the choir."

"Yes, well, perhaps next year, Ed," Double D suggested, hoping to avoid Ed's "help" at the winter concert.

"Shucks," Ed blushed with pride as the three boys reached his house. "I can't because Sarah said if I wreck her show she will tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, and Dad will go sit in the reading room."

"Forget that girl crap. My 14th birthday's comin' up. We gotta get my brother's car out of his room so I get a chance to practice with it," said Eddy, eager to test out the gift his brother promised him as soon as possible, even though a driver's license was in the relatively distant future.

Double D thought that the idea was ill-advised, but did not want to be the dissenting voice after holding up the group with his interests. _Eddy's intention, albeit rash, matters to him. I should show him the support I hope he will show me. _Resolutely, he followed his friends, but his mind was occupied by the concert. Mostly by the duet.


	2. Ed, We Have a Problem

To the delight of the Warblin' Cobblers, the days slipped rapidly by. Even though Double D was trying his best to contribute to scams and attend choir practice, it was impossible to be in two places at once. Particularly as the date of the winter concert approached, Ed and Eddy had less and less frequent access to their source of brainpower. The weekend before the show, the Eds met in Ed's basement to prepare for the impending giveaway of Super Slurper jawbreakers.

Ed led his friends down the stairs to his room. They sat down and Ed turned on the TV. "Look guys! _Haunted Hanukkah_ is coming on. Cool movie."

Eddy popped open a Mr. Fizz and took a big swig. "Finally un-grounded. Geez, it's about time I got outta that house."

"I hate to say I told you so, Eddy," said Double D, who was familiar with Eddy's susceptibility to cabin fever. "Attempting to drive your brother's vehicle through the front door was unwise."

"Well, you weren't gonna take it apart inside and put it back together outside!"

"You never did enlighten us as to how your brother transported the car into the house in the first place," Double D reminded him.

Ed leaned over the back of his chair. "I didn't know your dad could change colours like that," he said, morbidly fascinated.

"Me either. And you guys shoulda seen the vein in his forehead." Eddy finished the soda, tossed the can aside, burped, and flopped over on his stomach. "Me being grounded set us back a bit, so we gotta quit foolin' around. How're we gonna get those brand new free jawbreakers?"

Double D placed a hand on top of Eddy's, wanting to reassure him. "Eddy, I promise you that my musical endeavours will in no way interfere with our personal work."

Eddy pulled his arm away and brushed it off. _I think his parents have another fruitcake in the closet._ But it didn't matter. He would have the benefit of Double D's brain in the coming weeks, and that was the important thing. "Uh-huh," said Eddy, who had heard just about all he cared to hear about choir. "Here, it's time to come up with a dream scheme. How are we going to be at the front of that jawbreaker line?" Ed whumped down on the floor between his pals to watch the plan take shape.

"Already? I haven't even shared the most exhilarating news of all."

"Good thing I'm already sittin' down," muttered Eddy, drawing a schematic of the candy store and the jawbreaker line on the morning of the giveaway. "What's the big news?"

"I will be performing a climactic duet with none other than Nazz! Her voice has an incredible timbre, a resonance without equal."

Just then, everything changed. Eddy dropped the pencil. The television and Ed's excited laughter were entirely drowned out. _I liked him better when he was puttin' the moves on me instead of trying to steal my girl._ _I gotta put an end to this Christmas gig._ "Yeah, that's pretty great," said Eddy, struggling to hide his jealousy. He could have done without the singing, but being up there next to Nazz... yeah, he wouldn't have minded if the whole world saw him up there with her. "Can we get to work now?"

"Undoubtedly," said Double D, who was thrilled to feel his friends' acceptance. "If the doors open at 9:00 AM, the line will begin to form approximately 36 hours before that..." Ed reached over Double D's arm to draw himself in line. He had drawn a primitive head when Double D grabbed a tissue and used it to lift Ed's arm out of the way. "Keep your hands to yourself, please."

_Double D better keep HIS hands to himself,_ thought Eddy. Eddy still wanted the jawbreaker, but he could no longer concentrate fully on that goal. Double D had to be kept out of the choir concert and away from Nazz. _Nazz is my girl. I've just been takin' my time to make it official._

Unaware that he had lost the scheming half of his audience, Double D continued. "We have several options. We..."

Ed had forgotten Double D's request for personal space and reached through the crook of Double D's arm to point at his self-portrait's disembodied head. "It'll be just like _Haunted Hanukkah_ when the Maccabanshee took off his head and sent it hurtling back through time. Our heads can wait in line and no one will notice."

Double D removed Ed's hand from the drawing and said firmly, "Setting aside the film's atrocious portrayal of the Festival of Lights, it is entirely unfeasible to decapitate ourselves and continue on as if nothing had happened!"

"Chickens can do it," Ed snipped.

"And I bet Lummox here could too. He doesn't use this anyway," said Eddy, giving Ed a smack on the back of the head. As Ed's head vibrated, Eddy said, "My brother calls that a 'brain duster'."

"My internal clock is blinking 12:00," said Ed, bearing no grudge. Even Double D had to cast off his business-like demeanour to share a laugh with his pals. And Ed had given him an idea.

"In all seriousness," said Double D, regaining his composure, "Ed is on to something. Securing a spot at the front of the line without being forced to withstand unforgiving weather is as simple as being in two places at once."

"I wonder why I never thought of that. Oh yeah, now I remember. You can't do it!" shouted Eddy.

"An illusion, Eddy. If we simply create convincing duplicates, the late arrivals will be none the wiser." Double D pondered options. "Eddy, we will need to retrieve our figurines from your defunct 'Spitting Image of Wax' project and the walkie-talkies from the similarly ill-fated 'Bathroom World.'"

Eddy loved the sound of a plan coming together. It was almost as good as the smell of cash or sweet jawbreakers. "This is it! Somebody's gettin' themselves a jawbreaker," said Eddy, already salivating.

"Watch your antecedent/pronoun agreement, Eddy." Double D looked at his watch. "Oh dear, I best hurry home to Mother and Father. They're expecting me to dinner."

Eddy shrugged. "Sure, whatever. Just come back tomorrow. We got the whole weekend."

"Unfortunately, I will need to practice with the Warblin' Cobblers tomorrow. Nazz and I must work on our duet. Surely you understand."

"No, we don't," said Eddy, and he meant it. Putting singing before jawbreakers? Unheard of! And coming on to Nazz? More criminal than any scam! "Fine, fine. We'll just get to work until we see ya next."

"You mean it? You're not upset?" Double D asked, wanting his friends behind him.

"Yeah, mm-hmmm," said Eddy.

Double D said his goodbyes and made his way up the steps and out the door. Ed's eyes trailed after him. He liked having the group together. "Why can't he just send his head home?" Ed asked.

Eddy seethed thinking that Double D would choose singing over friends and lust over loyalty. He wasn't angry, just frustrated. _I know where I'd like to send his head. Into last week, that's where I'd send it. Sockhead better stay on his toes. Don't know when, don't know where, but I will settle the score. _Eddy did not have to wait long for his chance. It just so happened to come on the day before the concert.

Double D was sitting in homeroom, hands neatly clasped atop his immaculately organized desk, waiting for the bell to ring. First period was geometry, a perfect way to start the day. With protractor, compass, and plenty of graph paper, Double D counted down the minutes. Ed sat next to Double D, checking under his desk for gum. "Whoa-ho-ho!" Ed laughed as he pulled a stringy blue wad, reaching back as far as he could until it broke free. "Wanna share, Double D?"

When Double D saw the gum, he looked ill. "Ed, put that unsanitary substance down, and for goodness' sake, wash your hands!" Ed stuck the gum on the back of his chair and licked his fingers.

Just barely missing the tardy bell, Eddy staggered in, plopped down in his seat, and put his head down on his desk. _Why can't they just move the school day later? Ya know, so we can have a fighting chance against bein' bored._

"Good morning, Eddy," piped Double D. "My, you seem especially somnolent."

"Mmmmf fmmg gmmfffuh," growled Eddy. Had the words been audible, they would have earned a blush from Double D and a one-way ticket to the principal's office from the homeroom teacher. All Eddy wanted to do was rewind his morning until he was back in bed and the only sound he could hear was the wind whooshing past the door. Eddy imagined that windy sound and started to drift off to sleep. But the wind gradually increased pitch until it sounded like more of a whine. Eddy opened a sleepy eye to see that it was not his imagination taunting him. It was Sarah and Jimmy outside the door. They were the school's junior office aides, and one of their daily jobs was to deliver attendance sheets to each teacher at the beginning of the day. Eddy heard a lot of yapping about fashions and fabrics, and was just about to cover his ears when the conversation became interesting.

"That's too bad, Jimmy," said Sarah in the sympathetic tone reserved only for her friend. "You'll still look cute."

Jimmy was flattered, but not entirely convinced. "Thank you. But my ensemble won't be complete without my faux-fur cap and matching muff." Eddy started to giggle, but quickly shut up when he saw Sarah glare at him.

"Well, you heard our teacher. He said no hats at the show."

"Clear as a bell," said Jimmy.

Rolf turned his head, catching what sounded like another proclamation of bell-worship. "What kind of bell allows the light to pass through?" asked Rolf, incredulous. "He who rings a bell of glass hears the sound with his flesh."

Jimmy shrugged and trotted out the door behind Sarah. "I don't want to start a spat, but social codes should never trump fashion." They scooted out the door. Eddy shifted his gaze to see Double D, motionless, staring after Sarah and Jimmy, then looking down at his math supplies. His breathing quickened, but he said nothing.

Even in the haze of predawn, Eddy knew an opportunity when he heard one. This opportunity wasn't just knocking; it was beating down the door. Double D would be right back on the scam squad full time. Coolly, he rested his chin on one hand and purred knowingly, "What'sa matter, Double D? You're not lookin' so good."

"I am perplexed, nonplussed, bemused. I have an obligation to the Warblin' Cobblers, but..." he went breathless, instinctively clutched the bottom of his cap and pulled it down tight. He then resumed in a tense whisper, "...but to remove my hat? Preposterous!"

"Where do they get off?" Eddy turned the charm up a notch. _Damn, I'm smooth,_ he thought.

Turning towards his friends, Double D said, "Surely you both understand my predicament. I cannot stand beside Nazz on stage in such a condition."

Ed tilted his head to one side. He did not like to see his friend upset, and was dimly aware that the discontent had something to do with Double D's hat. Ed sometimes forgot that Double D and the hat were not fused together; he usually processed the hat as being part of Double D's head. "Don't smell it, just gel it," said Ed, reciting a hip phrase he had learned during his brief stint as a savvy trend setter. "Gel your hat, pretend it's hair, and then no one will notice your stinky hat." Ed was proud of his contribution and awaited praise.

"Add _frustrated_ to my list of adjectives," said Double D. "The aroma of my headwear is not at issue. They expect me to uncover my head as a sign of respect."

"Tell ya what, why don't you come over to my place after school? I can fix ya right up," said Eddy, his voice more gentle and comforting than even he expected. "All our problems will be over."

A relieved smile spread across Double D's face. _He does support my aspirations after all. How could I ever reciprocate? "_Thank you, Eddy! What would I do without you?" Double D leaned out of his chair to embrace Eddy tightly. This felt even better than Eddy's promise to help. He rubbed his cheek along Eddy's sweatshirt.

Ed watched, then returned to looking for gum under his desk, Double D's discouragement of the activity had faded from his memory. _Nobody hugs me like that_, thought Ed.

Eddy gave a nervous giggle, his reputation weighing heavy on his mind as eyes throughout the classroom flitted over to the two boys, who looked unusually cosy together. Eddy pulled back gradually from Double D, trying to illustrate that he had not initiated the hug while still appeasing Double D. "That's what FRIENDS do," Eddy announced, more to the class than to Double D. "FRIENDS help each other with their non-sexual problems." Satisfied that he had taken the attention away from himself and Double D, Eddy said calmly, "After practice, my place." The first bell drowned out Double D's thanks. Although the reasons were different, both Eddy and Double D counted down until the end of the school day.


	3. Dirty Little SecrED

Choir practice ended for the day, with excitement for the show at its zenith. Nazz and Double D were the last to emerge, kept late to practice their duet. Double D performed his usual best, accepting no less than perfection from himself. But it was a challenge to focus on his teacher's direction when, in the back of his mind the threat of being on stage, his head exposed, hung heavy. Nazz was filled with nervous energy as well, but she was in high spirits. A born performer, Nazz was looking forward to being recognized for her voice, not for her pom-poms and rah-rah's. That was why she was pleased to share the stage with Double D; he clearly admired her, but was never salivating over her.

"You rock, Double D!" she said, as the two left the school together.

Double D gave a shy grin. "Thank you. Your voice certainly produces a fine resonance as well."

Nazz giggled. "You're so sweet. I'll see you at the show tomorrow!" she said, waving goodbye and bounding into her mother's waiting car.

Alone, and with nothing left to do but go to Eddy's and hope for a miracle, Double D crept back to the cul-de-sac. Darkness was already bringing an end to the short December day. The crisp wind felt good on his face, which was warm with self-consciousness from talking to Nazz. Instinctively, he reached up to secure his hat on his head, as he often did when he felt a gust blow by. When the wind quieted down, Double D looked about him to be sure that he was alone. He slid a hand under his hat, and momentarily removed it, clasping a few strands of rich, dark brown hair in his fingers.

Even though Double D was uncomfortable walking alone in the impending darkness, which parental sticky notes had repeatedly advised against. He knew the dangers of being unseen, or untrustworthy individuals who might lurk in the dark, of whom Eddy's brother was certainly one. But the darkness itself did provide a sort of protection, another layer of concealment of his secret. It was a secret that had been with Double D for as long as he could remember.

Double D suddenly found himself at Eddy's door with little memory of how he came to be there. He knocked once, twice, and heard nothing. After several seconds had passed, Double D looked around, and touched the handle, finding the door to be unlocked. He stepped inside and removed his shoes. The sound of the shower running could be heard from across the hall. Eddy was not there, and his clothes had been abandoned untidily on the bed. Impulsively, Double D folded each item neatly. "Messy, messy, messy," said Double D as he fussed over the clothes. "This is an invitation for stubborn wrinkles." Having set them in order, Double D seated himself on the edge of Eddy's bed. Looking down at his restless hands, Double D raised his head to look into Eddy's mirror, hanging prominently to allow Eddy the constant opportunity to gaze at himself.

While Double D cared deeply about his grooming and hygiene, he was not given to priding himself on his appearance. He could see his fragile body, his short legs, his pale and sensitive skin, and the gap in his teeth. He could see his hat, and know what he was hiding. His secret was a testament to his fierce attempts at perfection, but inability to reach it.

Most of the time, Double D confirmed his cleanliness in the mirror as quickly as possible, always with his hat on. Knowing that there would be no putting it off any longer, Double D squeezed his eyes shut, swallowed hard, and removed his hat. Upon opening his eyes, he saw what he had tried to convince himself that he would not see. Wisps of deep brown shoulder length hair were bounded by irregular bare patches. A few strategically placed hairpins attempted to use his remaining hair to cover the hairless places, with varying degrees of failure. Aware though he was of what he had done to himself, being faced with the sight horrified him. And horrified though he was, he was unable to stop.

A strand of hair that dangled beside Double D's ear nagged at him to pull it, even as Double D regarded his disfigurement. His life was a constant pursuit of perfection, of "just right-ness". This was apparent in his behaviour towards his environment, his actions, his words, and even his body, for reasons he could scarcely explain, even to himself. Why or how he pinpointed specific strands of hair as unacceptable and filled with the urge to remove them. He was unsatisfied until all offending hairs had been removed. The peaceful feeling of restoring order to his body was instant, but temporary. Relief would be suddenly burned away by a hot wave of shame and disgust. He was tearing himself apart, and for what?

It was counterintuitive and illogical. He knew it, but the part of his brain responsible for the impulse was not under his control. "Trichotillomania. A disturbance of the basal ganglia, signaling my frontal cortex of an impending reward. An adaptive behaviour to counteract anxiety," Double D rationalized, knowing that this, unlike lackadaisycathro disease, had a true neural base. "But the act causes more anxiety over time. It's a vicious cycle!" He remembered Ed innocently asking once whether his condition hurt. Even though he had avoided answering his friend, the answer was yes. Pulling the hair out did not hurt. It was the knowledge that he was damaging himself, and that his attempts to stop it were in vain.

Still clutching his hat in one hand, Double D threw himself down on the bed, not wanting to look at himself or anything else. Not to have to think about standing in front of Peach Creek, about singing next to beautiful Nazz. Not to have to think about Eddy. Double D laid his face against Eddy's folded clothing and confided in it, "I don't stand a chance against her." Even though Eddy had already seen what was hidden under the hat, it wasn't going to be any easier for Double D to hold his head high, knowing his head was uncovered.

The pattering of the shower went quiet. Double D tossed his hat onto his head and sat up just as the door swung open and Eddy strode in, swathed in a red robe and with his hair slicked back. The smell of Eddy's cologne filled the room, overpowering Double D, making his eyes water. "Eddy? Your odor is... quite pungent."

"Is every day a bad hair day?" announced Eddy. "Is grey hair givin' you the blues?" Eddy produced an array of hair tools and products from the pockets of his robe, and grinned at Double D, looking him over and planning. "Well, let your hair down, because you're at Eddy's Hair Care Lair." Double D's face brightened a little at Eddy's sales pitch. Eddy gently lifted the hat from Double D's head. "Normally, I charge a quarter for my services, but I like your face, so I'll work my magic for free." Eddy was smooth, and knew that a chummy jingle would lead his trusting friend into a false sense of security.

"Nothing ostentatious is necessary, please," said Double D, well acquainted with Eddy's flair for the extreme.

"Pffff," said Eddy. "You're my muse. I'm gonna create my vision." Although unable to forget the state his hair was in, Double D enjoyed receiving special attention from Eddy that appeared free of judgement.

"Thank you, Eddy," said Double D as Eddy went to work.

Eddy took one of the hairnets that he wore to bed and snapped it onto Double D's head, tucking some of the dark strands of hair inside. Then, Eddy opened a dresser drawer and retrieved his father's toupee. He ruffled it up and placed it on Double D's head, twisting it into place like a bottle cap. The synthetic hair tickled Double D's nose, and he blew the dusty brown strands out of the way. Eddy settled the wig where he wanted it, still at a slightly awkward angle. Eddy then splathered his hands in mousse and sank them into the wig and began to sculpt it.

Double D reached up to wipe some dripping mousse away from his eyes, but Eddy pushed his friend's hand out of the way. "No, no," said Eddy. "Rest your pretty little head and leave the work to the professionals." Obliging, Double D closed his eyes and smiled, gapped teeth and all. With his head in Eddy's lap, Double D felt a moment of peaceful pleasure in a lifetime of anxiety.

_Pssssssh!_ went the hairspray. Eddy tossed the empty can aside and rubbed his hands together. It was perfect. "Okay, open your eyes!"

Double D slowly opened his eager eyes to see what he believed would be a divine masterpiece. His mouth opened speechlessly when he laid eyes on Eddy's "vision". The wig had been teased into the shape of a sea urchin, with strands of Double D's own hair at the back, falling to the nape of his neck. "What have you done? I can't wear this ragtag hairpiece to the concert!" He inspected the spikes. His hair felt as much of a sea urchin as it looked. "Surely this violates some clause in the choir's dress code."

"Nah," said Eddy. "No hats and no neon dye jobs. You're in the clear!"

Double D flicked a spike with his finger. It didn't budge. "Don't you think it's rather... trashy?"

"Forget trashy. It's trendy! The kids will go crazy for it." Eddy thought of Nazz with a smirk. _Heh, maybe Nazz will think HE'S crazy for showing up with that screwed up rug on his head. She's as good as mine._

"It is unique," said Double D, attempting to be polite and hide his lack of confidence in the result.

"Jimmy couldn't come up with something more modern and 'chick'. It's an Eddy original. I call it: the Mohullet."

The name was not reassuring. "I just don't know," said Double D. "I don't think it suits me. Don't you think that the audience, and my fellow singers at that, will realize that I could not have possibly concealed this beneath my hat?" He was all but ready to rip the toupee off his head, crawl home, and attempt his own solution. Perhaps he lacked Eddy's arsenal of hair care tools, but he could no doubt come up with something if he set his neurons firing.

Sensing that Double D was going to relieve him of his styling duties, Eddy thought fast. He had an ace up his sleeve, though he did feel guilty about using it. He made his best limpid, sorrowful eyes at Double D. "B-but, I did all this just for you," he sighed with false dejection. "All I wanted was to help you for your big night." He turned away to hide a face edged with disgust at himself for manipulating his friend's emotions. All for a girl.

Double D was putty in Eddy's hands. It hurt too much to disappoint anyone, especially Eddy. "Why Eddy, I had no idea you were so emotionally invested in my singing. Of course I will attend, displaying your artistry." He looked into the mirror again. _It is only one night, and then I may return to the security of my hat. Besides, if Eddy wishes to see me on stage this way, it is a small sacrifice for his happiness._

So focused was Double D on the mohullet that he failed to see the pinkness of Eddy's face deepening into red. Eddy didn't want to see Double D on stage wearing a mutilated rug. He just wished that Double D could leave the choir and wear his hat so that everything would be normal. Instead, he was leading his friend into certain ridicule, which in their adolescent world meant certain death. _What HAVE I done? _Eddy demanded of himself. _I can't stop 'im now. Maybe he'll back outta the show on his own. And maybe Nazz will give me her phone number and round second base with me._ Eddy hoped, but his luck had run out.


	4. The Ed Stops Here

Backstage, opening night. Double D slipped in early so that no one would see him come in. He had hoped that in the twenty-four hours following the creation of Eddy's masterpiece, he would become comfortable with the look of it, but the irregular spikes did not fill him with the greatest of confidence. But it was certainly better than exposing what remained of his own hair. And he remembered the hopeful expression on Eddy's face. "It seems to mean a lot to him that I be seen with the hairstyle he gave me." Double D looked at himself in the mirror, and deepened his resolve. "Then I must not disappoint him." He ran a hand through the wig. "Perhaps this coiffure will keep his eyes on me." The show wouldn't start for another hour and a half. He was finally feeling prepared for the show, and for Eddy to be front and centre.

At that moment, Eddy was deepening resolve of his own. He sat on his bed with his arms crossed as Ed knelt on the floor before him, grimy hands clasped together. "Hell no! I ain't goin'," growled Eddy. He had no interest in sitting through an evening of frilly songs and jingly nonsense, not even for Nazz. Seeing the reaction to Double D's appearance did not move him to want to be present either. It was the kind of trick that would be funny for three minutes, and a guilt trip for three weeks.

"Pleeeeeease, come with me?" begged Ed. He had been forced into a sweater vest over a dress shirt, and pants free of mysterious stains, and was distressed that he had been separated from his jacket, filled with all of his prized possessions to keep him in his happy place. "Mom and Dad said I have to go to see Sarah sing. If I don't, they'll ground me and take the stairs down!"

Having only recently been paroled from being grounded himself, Eddy was sympathetic, and he knew that trying to bail Ed out would be impossible. But incentives to go to a choir concert were still not grand enough in scale. "Suck it up, Monobrow."

"Come oooooon!" Ed whined, yanking on Eddy's feet.

"Get lost. Hey, lemme go!" If Ed could not have his lucky fish, Angus, he would carry Eddy with him instead. He scooped up Eddy and dragged him into his parents' van, with Eddy fighting to get free all the way.

Sarah was sitting restlessly, and rolled her eyes as Ed dragged Eddy in. "Mom!" roared Sarah. "Make Ed get rid of his stupid friend!" Sarah was promptly shushed and reminded of her manners, but Sarah did not remember all of her manners and continued to pout as Eddy made smug faces at her while Ed tried to keep Sarah from seeing his laughter. Sure, Eddy had no interest in the concert, but it was worth it to set the brat straight.

The auditorium was beginning to fill up, and Double D could hear the low rumble of conversation on the other side of the curtain as he sat backstage, practicing his music. The backstage was beginning to fill up as well, and bustled as the stagehands moved the decorations and scenery into place. Double D was lost in the buzz of activity, and he was comfortable humming his duet to himself in his own darkened corner. "Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm-mmm-mmm." Double D had nearly forgotten his concern about his hair, until he heard an interested voice.

"Far out!" He looked up to see Jonny and Plank looking him right in the eye.

"Good evening, Jonny," said Double D, straightening his posture and adjusting his tie. "Are you exhilarated by the Yuletide festivities?"

Jonny stared blankly. "Say what? I was just looking for the buffet table."

"The buffet may be found in the cafeteria. Please try..."

Double D had barely had time to provide an answer when Jonny interrupted: "But then I saw your hairdo! If Plank and I had great hair like yours, you bet we'd be rockin' it too!"

"Thank you," said Double D, blushing. Wanting to allow as little attention to focus on his hairpiece as possible, he tried to change the subject. "I am glad you made it to the concert.

"I wanted to stay home and watch _Pengathalon_ on the nature channel, but Plank says that Christmas caroling is an enriching cultural experience honouring a centuries old tradition." Jonny gave Plank a confused look. "I don't know what that means, buddy." Then, to Double D, he whispered, "I'm just here for the free snacks. And I heard they got an ice swan! Catch ya later," said Jonny, carrying Plank off to the buffet down the hall.

_Well, I suppose it is to be expected that someone would take notice of my change in appearance. It is not unreasonable to hope that no one else will have the opportunity to comment on it prior to the performance._ As the minutes ticked away, he became increasingly confident that no one would have a chance to say anything, he would go on winter break, and would return in January with the whole thing forgotten. _I do hope that Eddy remembers my performance_, thought Double D, happily humming his music.

The music teacher called to the choir to get in position during the last few moments before the show. Jimmy and Sarah joined the youngsters in the front row, wearing their matching outfits that conjured up images of yesteryear. Jimmy looked down at his reflection in his smart patent leather shoes. "I still think that the fashion police should overturn the 'no hats' rule. The top hat makes this outfit!"

Before Sarah could respond, Rolf placed one hand on her head and the other on Jimmy's as he climbed to his position in the back row. "Rolf is prepared for the reverence of the bovines," he announced as he climbed. His outfit was entirely covered in bells of various sizes and shapes, and these jingled as they bumped the heads of the small children in his path.

"If there was ever a need for the fashion police," said Jimmy, rubbing the back of his head where a dense iron bell had made impact.

"You got that right, Jimmy." Sarah adjusted the off-kilter bow in her hair. "It's a 517-A in progress."

Rolf jingled into place, but looked over his shoulder to make sure that he was not being observed by the imposing-sounding 'fashion police'. "Heap-hop Nazz girl!" called Rolf as Nazz came on stage. "Do the guardians of the bells disapprove of Rolf's costume?"

Giggling, Nazz scooted into her place on the edge of the middle row. "No way. That's a really, uh, unique outfit." With the choir nearly formed, Double D crept out to take his place. Nazz had been watching for her partner in song, and she immediately spotted someone slinking onto the stage, but required a second look before she identified it as Double D. "Awesome hair, dude!" Nazz announced, drawing every choir member's attention to Double D. Double D didn't breathe. A sizable portion of the school now had its eyes fixed on the questionable hair experiment.

"Why, this?" he asked, laughing nervously. "It's just..."

"Just about the coolest 'do I've seen in awhile!" Nazz interrupted. All the kids' bright expressions indicated that they agreed with Nazz. Even if they didn't, they would have still pretended to, because Nazz's opinion on what was cool was as good as law.

"It resembles the horns of the infinite herd," said Rolf, envisioning a field packed with cattle as far as the eye could see, just as his Nana had described to him. "Rolf reveres it."

Double D stepped up next to Nazz. Amidst the choir's enthusiastic murmuring about Double D's style, the hottest thing since Fad Freaky, Nazz gave a throaty whisper, "I don't know why you've been covering that up all this time." The lights over the stage brightened and the stage hands manned the curtains. Just before the curtains parted to reveal the stage, Nazz added, "Makes me wonder what else you've got hidden."

The curtains opened, revealing the stage, aglow with Christmas. A lavishly decorated tree sparkled with tinsel and stood tall and green in one corner. A backdrop depicted a vintage fireside scene. The choir stood in the centre of the stage, bathed in the light of a chandelier, designed to look like a ball of mistletoe. The Warblin' Cobblers then burst into a lively rendition of "Jingle Bells."

The charm of the production was lost on Eddy, whose eyes automatically began to search for Double D to see what had become of the wig. But with Ed sitting next to him, it was a challenge to focus. Without Double D to correct him, Ed was squirming and reaching under seats to find gum. When Eddy leaned forward, hoping to catch a glimpse of Double D, Ed's elbow swung back and hit him in the nose. "Yeeow! Awww f-..." he stopped himself, remembering that Sarah would destroy him if he wrecked the show. "Hold still, Lumpy," he hissed.

Ed had pulled out several different coloured strands of gum and had wound them together into a cat's cradle. "Look, it's a game!" said Ed, displaying his work for Eddy to see. "I'm giving it to Sarah as a present. Won't she love it?"

"She'll love it like a hernia." Another spirited song ended, and Nazz stepped out of the chorus and into the mistletoe spotlight. The piano softened, and Nazz began to sing "O Holy Night" in a crystalline soprano. Eddy's expression softened as well; Sarah and her attitude, Ed and his gum, and Double D and his wig were all forgotten. Nazz was the perfect amnesiac. Ed's tie had stuck to the gum, and the harder he tried to free it, the more entangled he became. But Nazz's voice sent him straight to his happy place.

Double D had only heard Nazz practice the song every day for nearly a month, but it made no difference. He only hoped that his practice would allow him to equal, or even surpass her performance. The song ended powerfully, leaving Ed and Eddy gaping open-mouthed and unthinking. That is, until Double D joined Nazz at the front of the stage and the piano picked up again. All the lights dimmed, except for the mistletoe chandelier. The two looked at each other and began.

Rudely awakened from his thoughts of him and Nazz heating up a cold winter's night, Eddy missed the beginning of the song. There stood Double D, looking almost confident as he and Nazz took each other's hands and swayed as though they were a cotillion one hundred years ago. The whole choir joined in the harmonious refrain:

"_Will you love me in December as you do in May,_

_Will you love me in the good old-fashioned way?_

_When my hair has all turned grey,_

_Will you kiss me then and say,_

_Will you love me in December as you do in May?"_

Eddy ceased to feel sorry for Double D. In fact, he was now feeling quite sorry for himself, knowing that he had unwittingly equipped Double D with a cool new look. "I'm gonna set him straight. If he thinks he's gonna steal my girl..." But how to get rid of that rug without letting on that he was jealous of his finicky friend?

Ed was oblivious. He was still preoccupied with creating Sarah's gift. "Eddy," whispered Ed, "I wanna give Sarah this after the show. Should I wrap it up in these candy wrappers?" Ed held up some dubious looking candy wrappers he had found crumpled on the floor.

Fighting the churning of his stomach in response to Ed's creation, Eddy hatched a plan. He turned on the slick salesman tone. "Say, I bet she'd think you're one hell of a brother if you went on stage and gave it to her right now." Eddy knew that Ed's enthusiasm would trump his common sense.

"Yeah! Let's go!" Ed led the way out the auditorium doors and galloped around to the backstage entrance. They could hear the song nearing its conclusion. Ed was only interested in locating a path to Sarah, but Eddy grabbed Ed's collar to keep him from rushing out just yet. Timing was everything.


	5. Ed of the Opera

Note: Thanks to everyone who's following my stuff! There will be more stories where these came from. Enjoy. :)

Nazz and Double D held out the last note of their duet, hands clasped together. There was a second of quiet, then the audience burst into applause. Nazz was delighted that her singing had been a success. She wrapped her arms around Double D's neck and gave him a peck on the cheek. Double D could barely hear her whisper to him, "We were rad, huh?"

Even though Eddy was backstage, he had a front row seat to see Nazz's spontaneous display of happiness. _Nazz thinks he's just fan-freakin'-tastic. Let's see what she'll think of him without that rug._ All Eddy could think about was his anger. Looking at Ed, who was fussing with the sticky gum and putting on some last finishing touches before giving it to Sarah, Eddy feigned concern. "Hey Ed, look! A wig is attacking Double D's head! Who could save him?"

Ed thrust the gum aside. Sarah needed to be appeased, but as far as Ed was concerned, Double D's life was on the line. "I'm coming to save the day!" With that, Ed charged onto the stage.

The crowd's applause turned into tittering and laughter as Ed slipped but continued to run. Sarah leaped from her spot in the choir, trying to shove Ed away. "Get off the stage, stupid!" Sarah screeched.

"The stampede of the bovines is an act of glory and prosperity!" Rolf explained calmly, in the face of all the chaos. He pointed at Ed, who snorted and thundered like a raging bull. "Except to he who is trampled, such as my ill-fated uncle Serik."

Ed jostled past Nazz. "Whoooa..." she gasped, teetering on the edge of the stage, then dropping on top of the pianist.

"Please," begged Double D, as the audience became agitated. "Please, activate your neuronal synapses and stop!" Double D raced to the edge of the stage to escape from Ed's trail of destruction and to see what had become of Nazz.

Ed lunged at Double D, snatched the wig in his teeth and crashed into the backdrop, sending a dangling cord into motion. Disoriented, Double D staggered dizzily into the shadows offstage, his hands flailing for something, anything, to steady himself. The swinging cord was the nearest thing, and just happened to be the cord to which the mistletoe chandelier was attached. Double D's weight pulled the cord, which caused the fixture to crash first into the ceiling, then crack apart and smash in the centre of the stage. The Warblin' Cobblers scattered screaming on the darkened stage. The curtain dropped down, trapping Jimmy and several other youngsters who were running blindly about.

Still tucked away in his own little corner, Eddy was pleased. He couldn't have choreographed a better ending to the night. Ed was the perfect secret weapon.

From the other side of the stage, Eddy could hear a triumphant voice: "I defeated the wig! Am I a hero?"

"Sure are, gruesome," said Eddy. He then turned to find Nazz. _Now it's my turn to be a hero and let her cry on my shoulder because her big night was ruined by Ed's empty skull and Double D's bad hair life. _The auditorium was rapidly emptying because no one could get away from the disaster fast enough. Eddy slid off the stage and in the dim light he could see Nazz getting up beside the piano. The room was dark, but thought he could use the "mood lighting" in his favour.

Nazz heaved a big sigh and stood motionless. "That's too bad about your song there. Ed is such an animal." Eddy laughed, but the laughter faded away awkwardly when Nazz did not respond to him. "Hey, don't look so sad, baby." Eddy put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, dazed. "Why not put those lips to better use?" He leaned in close and waited for her to make contact.

Which she did, but with the smack of her hand across his face. "My big night was ruined, no thanks to you!" She stormed off, furious that after all her hard work practicing, to all her friends she was just an easy cheerleader.

Eddy rubbed his cheek. _Geez, I was goin' for second base, not TMJ. _But he could see that she was right. He had ruined her big night, and he had ruined Double D's, too. And for what? A slap in the face.

Ed had been unceremoniously dragged home with his family, while desperately and honestly trying to plead his case, but was sentenced to certain imprisonment in the basement. This left only Eddy in the auditorium, and only Double D backstage. Double D sat in front of the mirror, staring hopelessly at his reflection. His confidence had been shattered along with the chandelier; the only confidence he had was that his secret had been exposed to the entire school. He had fuzzy memories of his family moving to Peach Creek for his parents' new jobs. He had been anticipating a new start, among peers whom he determined would never see what he had been doing to himself for much of his life, and that he would no longer feel the weight of prying eyes or be confronted with children's curious questions.

He slid a hand into the smooth, dark strands. Closing his fist, he pulled, and between his fingers were tufts of hair. Looking up into the mirror again, the sight of his patchy hair became hazy as his eyes blurred with tears. "Repugnant, repulsive, revolting!" he screamed, and slammed his hands down on the counter. This hurt his hands, which he curled up against his chest. He wished that he had abdicated his commitment so that he did not have to share the stage with the lovely Nazz, while he saw himself as riddled with imperfections, and his impulsive rituals to resolve them only compounded them. "When he looks at me hereafter, all he will see is this abomination." For every time that Eddy had seen his bare head, Double D's hopes dissipated.

He could still remember seeing Eddy's one time response to the secret: Eddy had covered his face, joking, "My eyes! They're burning!" Double D's feelings for Eddy were hard enough to deal with at the best of times. They were made more difficult when Eddy found a sensitive spot and used it for his own enjoyment. Double D could remember Eddy developing a few unsightly blemishes over the years, but no pimple was big enough to lead Double D to make fun of someone he so strongly cared for.

A creak caused Double D to sit bolt upright and instinctively grab whatever was nearby to cover his head. This happened to be a decorative stocking hung on the wall. "Double D?" said an uncertain voice.

Double D quickly dried his eyes and looked at the reflection of the open door in the mirror. Without turning around, he said dryly, "Hello, Eddy."

Already on the defensive, Eddy began, "Now, before you say anything, the..."

"The show was decimated by Ed's exuberance? You both attended only to make a mockery of the choir? Was showing your support too much to ask?"

"Look, I'm sorry things got outta hand."

Double D looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were puffy and the stocking on his head looked ridiculous. He ripped off the stocking and tossed it aside. "There! Is this what you wanted everyone to see? Is my disfigurement a joke to you? Why not charge admission; I'm sure you would receive a healthy sum."

"Nobody saw anything," said Eddy sharply. "I dropped the curtain so the people watching wouldn't see you. I just wanted to get you away from Nazz."

"Nazz? Was Nazz privy to your scheme as well?" Double D was left wondering whom, if anyone, he could count on.

Surprised by Double D's response, Eddy asked, "So, this isn't about Nazz?"

Even though Double D's head was uncovered, he felt steadily more comfortable with Eddy seeing him. "No. Why would it be?"

"I just thought, uh, you were comin' onto her."

"Of course not," said Double D, matter-of-factly. "Our relationship was strictly professional."

"Oh." Eddy stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around. "Guess I screwed up, huh?"

"Yes, but I forgive you and empathize with your dilemma," said Double D, getting up to leave with Eddy. "I am all too familiar with jealousy's ability to cause one to behave irrationally," said Double D. Wearing Eddy's monstrosity of a hairstyle in order to please him came immediately to mind. The two left the school and headed for the cul-de-sac.

"Jealous? Why should I be jealous?" puffed Eddy. "I got it goin' on."

"You certainly do," said Double D. His words were tinged with sarcasm, but at their core, they were serious.

On Christmas Eve, the boys sat in Ed's basement room drinking hot chocolate while Ed flipped through channels on TV. Even though they had to sneak in without Sarah catching on, it was easier than trying to free Ed. Eddy took another gulp from his mug, coming up with a marshmallow moustache. "Yeah guys, why wait in line when you can get someone else to do it for ya? I'm gonna use my wax double while I wait to get my driver's license."

Playfully, Double D nudged Eddy's shoulder. "Unfortunately, you won't be able to use the wax duplicate to hasten the two years until your 16th birthday!"

Eddy nodded, not looking forward to being patient for another two years. "Well, I gotta fix up the car anyway. We kinda dinged it when we tried to drive it out the door. I'm gonna give it a whole new paint job and get a spoiler and some underglow ground effects."

"Ooh, ooh! Christmas specials!" Ed cheered, pointing at the TV and dribbling hot chocolate down his tee shirt. "Should we watch _I Saw Mummy Kidnap Santa Claus_ or _Apocalypsmas_?"

"I never thought I would see crudely designed B movies with a Christmas motif," said Double D, watching blankly as Santa Claus tied up at the mercy of a woman wrapped in toilet paper. "Oh my!" Little was left to the imagination, and Double D covered his eyes while Ed and Eddy stared, open-mouthed. When the movie went to a commercial, Ed and Eddy emerged from their trance.

"Yeah guys, why wait in line when you can get someone else to do it for ya?" said Eddy, who had forgotten where he had left the conversation.

"Retrograde amnesia aside, I am actually optimistic about the outcome. After all, the chemical properties of the wax cause it to freeze to the sidewalk in these glacial conditions."

Grateful for Double D's hard work in spite of the previous night's disaster, Eddy thought long and hard about the right thing to say. He put together something simple, but nonetheless difficult to verbalize. "Hey, uh, sorry you got kicked outta the choir."

Double D shrugged. "As it stands, I am editor of the Peach Creek Tattler, president of the Happy Cluckers Club, nurse's aide, and a member of the Knitting Club. I have plenty of extracurricular activities to occupy my time." He paused, then added, "But you can make it up to me! I believe that we are overdue for a meeting of the Knitting Club. As you are the only other member, I would like you to be in charge of the 'Socks for Jocks' membership drive."

"You're pushin' your luck, Sockhead," said Eddy, who playfully pushed Double D into the couch. Double D laughed and tossed a cushion at Eddy. "Oh, you're askin' for it!" Eddy laughed, and pounced on Double D, straddling him.

Ed, still happily munching popcorn, was busy enjoying the holiday commercials almost as much as his movie. With his mouth full, Ed announced, "Let's sing a song!" and looked at his friends

Eddy and Double D paused awkwardly, and Eddy jolted back to the other side of the couch. "Naw, I'm sick of Christmas songs."

Trying to be diplomatic, Double D said, "Please, Ed, even I am weary of..."

"Arrrgh, the very scary things, and the terror that they bring!" Ed sang, raising his arms and being the best monster he could be. "Fear the hairy werewolf wild, and the bones thrown in a pile. Awful all the demons writhe, join the banshees in the sky! With the gory..."

On the floor above, the door that led to where Ed's basement stairs used to be creaked open. Sarah's voice could be heard, asking sweetly, "Ed, would you like to meet Santa?"

"Yes please!" shouted Ed, popcorn kernels flying out of his mouth.

"Well," continued Sarah, "I'LL SEND YOU TO THE NORTH POLE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" and she slammed the door shut.

Ed smiled. "Sarah's really got the Christmas spirit."

"Albeit a commercial, materialistic one," added Double D.

"There'll be a little extra Christmas cheer for us tonight," Eddy reminded his pals. "Let's go, Double D. It's almost time to get our Christmas charity." Double D followed, and all three boys eagerly awaited the evening, with visions of jawbreakers dancing in their heads.


End file.
